JUST...BE NICE

Political and human rights issues aside, I've decided to adopt the new mantra:
KEEP QUIET and CARRY ON. Unless someone is directly out to physically harm or psychologically take down your children or member of your immediate family, smile and ignore them. "Seriously? Just leave it? Someone's being a complete dick to me and I'm not supposed to retaliate or even stand up for myself?" Exactly. That's what I'm sayin. Just...be nice. Sounds easy right? It IS. Those who just can't seem to do it, that's their problem. There are sad sad people out there, that unfortunately some of us deal with on a daily basis, who some how get off on just being...miserable. Creating drama. Making others feel like shit to make themselves feel better. It's gross. And the best way to keep clean and come out looking like the honor student is to KEEP QUIET and CARRY ON. It's as insane as entertaining a two year old's tantrum in a grocery store. You can't reason with a child in the midst of a fit. The same way you can't reason with some grown ass woman who's trying to bring you down. And NEVER forget this: You can't reason with crazy. Someone who is a legit Wack-a-Mole is never gonna really realize that they are one. Even if they've "admitted it" by seeking help or taking medication...no. Trust me, tread even softer around these folks. Cause when push comes to shove, you'll end up getting so frustrated you'll freak out and they'll start crying about their horrible mommy or absentee daddy who made them this way and then -POOF- you're the bad guy.

My homegirls circa 2001 are reading this right now in UTTER SHOCK! Jenny Lee??!! "But wait. No. That sounds like I'm being fake. And if there's one thing I can't stand its a fake bitch who's nice to your face then gossips behind your back. Ugh!" That's what I used to think. For a long, long time. I took pride in the fact that I spoke my mind no matter what, and that people ALWAYS knew how I felt about them. Good or bad. If someone was pissing me off I nipped it in the bud right then and there, regardless of awkwardness or anyone else's feelings. I was the bass ass chick who told it like it was. And ya know what? Ya know what I got behind closed doors from every guy I ever dated who was on the outside looking in on my relationships with other women? I was MEAN. "MEAN?! No. Well, I don't care. At least I'm honest." Ah! Right. Cause that's what the world's been waiting for, right? MY opinion. MY 
judgement. How egotistical, selfish, and...disgusting. Cause guess what folks? NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THE TRUTH. Not when it's negative. Why do you think the wife to husband exchange "does this make me look fat?" is such a cliche? What good does it do if Mr. speaks the truth and says to Mrs., "Yes. It makes your ass look huge. Ya know why? Cause you have a big fat ass and  nothing is gonna change that babe." Um...just mean. Look, when it comes to my core of bessies it's a different story. My few really close, good girlfriends. Of course, IF ASKED, I would tell them. Because we have a history. A relationship. A trust, an understanding. And even then...unless I felt they were REALLY out to embarrass or hurt themselves...I still probably wouldn't say anything. Unless it was a real eye-to-eye-tell-it-to-me-straight moment...bottom line: its just none of my F-ing business. Example: mother of two under two asking, "Is my husband boning his supervisor?" TRUTH. Mother of two under two asking, "Do I look exhausted? Does my hair look like shit?" LIE. Smile and lie. Well, no, smile and help her fix her hair.

A few years back, I worked with a gal. She was just..SO NICE. To everyone. Well, to everyone's face. She always had a second or two for everyone in our company. A seemingly sincere, "How are you?" or "Great sweater!" Now when she was with us girls, her co-workers, she was...normal. She rolled her eyes about the people she had just taken time for in the hall, and chatted cattily about whoever. It annoyed me SO MUCH. (I was in my "If I don't like you, you'll know it" phase. Hardcore.) Ahhh! It seemed so fake! And I couldn't stand it! And then...she died. She got very sick. Very suddenly. And just...died. And ya know what people remember about her? Her smile. Her joy. Her zest for life and kindness to everyone she came in contact with. THAT's what people remember because thats what they saw. Thats what they felt. And this CHANGED ME. Big time. At this point, Nora was about 5 months old. I remember getting the news of Lindsay's passing and looking into my baby girl's innocent eyes. I didn't want her to be hard and tell-all like me. I didn't want her to ever be viewed as mean. Even if it was "funny." I wanted her to be like Lindsay. Kind for the sake of being kind. Always with a smile because it takes no more effort than a frown, so why not. I now say, it doesn't matter WHY you're being nice. Just do it. People who are nice just to get things out of others? I really don't care. Do you think your going to get what you want out of people by being nasty? No. I've decided there's no such thing in my mind as "artificial kindness." From here on out, there's no suspicion. If you're nice, you're nice. Done and done.

Here's the real deal: I've recently been in the presence of a person who was/is...mean. Almost all the time. To me. To others. Just an angry and sad human being who I assume feels better by being nasty to people. And ya know what? To be on the receiving end of that feels like shit. If you knew me in the recent or distant past and ever fell victim to my "truths" or "jokes" or just bottom line mean girl behavior and you happen to be reading this: I am so, so very sorry from the bottom of my heart. I probably thought I was doing you a service by being straight up and candid with you (that's how blind I was), but that is in no way an excuse. I hope you can accept my apology. That's all I really want (but don't need) in return. For this sad and disgusting bully to open their eyes to their behavior and apologize. To apologize and to know:  I don't care how hot or pretty you are (or think you are) it's ugly behavior. And ugly behavior makes you an ugly person. Mirror Mirror on the wall, much? Eek. Wait. Did that sound mean? Haha. But seriously, I used to have a reoccurring dream where I would lose it 

Me and Linds. My Earth Angel.
 I only wish
I had the chance to tell
her sooner how she changed me for good.
Thank you, gal. See you at The Seabreeze.

and tell this person off and wake up feeling horrible and guilty. Awful. And in my dream I always came out looking like the villain. But still, I would fantasize about retaliating. Then, I took a moment. And I would think of Lindsay. And I would think of Nora and Pats. And ya know what? It's just not worth it. And it doesn't make me weak. And it doesn't make me fake. It makes me better. Its not my job to educate every D-grade wanna be bully. So I'm taking it off my to-do list and taking the high road. And somewhere, sometime in the murky future these meanies will cross the line with the wrong person and they will be taught a real lesson. Or better yet, they'll meet their Lindsay.









So what have we learned? KEEP QUIET and CARRY ON. And then bitch and vent to your true friends in the privacy of your own home over a bottle of wine while stuffing your face with amaze balls Spinach-Crab dip. It's perfection with pita chips, veggies, whatever. Leftovers would also be ridiculous atop a burger for a decadent switch up! Ooh! Fancy surf and turf with truffled fries! OMG. I'm getting starving. Ok, here we go--

1- 8oz block cream cheese
1/2 c sour cream
1/2 c + 1/4 grated parm
1 tsp Onion powder
1 tsp Garlic powder
1/2 tsp Old Bay
Salt
Pepper
I lb frozen spinach, thawed & drained
8 oz lump crab meat*
8oz jar of marinated artichoke hearts, chopped

Beat together cc& sc in large mixing bowl with spices until well blended. Stir in 1/2 c of the parm. Fold in spinach & artichokes then crab. Spread into sprayed glass pan. What you might make lasagna in. Top with reserved parm and bake in a 400 degree oven for 20 minutes. Serve with pita chips, crustini, your fave crusty bread or veggies. 
*if you're vegetarian, just not feelin it, wanna save a couple bucks... leave it out. No biggie. It's just as delicious without!

Dig in!

Not the prettiest pic of uncooked dip, but here's a great tip:
When taking this to a party, pack in a bigger tray with dip to one side.
That way you heat and fill up with chips when you get there and don't have to bother your hostess for an extra bowl!