ZOMBIEMOM

Ya know those mornings when you have to get up so early that the sun is hours from rising and your level of exhaustion is legitimately making you physically ill? But you shake it off cause you're en route to the airport about to fly away on an amazing trip. And by 11 am you'll be checked in to your posh hotel and be sitting poolside sipping an umbrella drink, the aromas of coconut and salty air filling your sinuses inducing utter relaxation. Well, that's my life. Every day. But instead of a fabulous vacation, I'm getting up to watch Caillou. 

4:30?! 4:30. When does it end? I am no longer the mother of infants. A 3 year old and a 19 month old. I guess they technically "sleep through the night?" They're out by 8pm at the latest (So I'm told. I work at night and put them to sleep only 1 night a week)  and up usually around 6 or 6:30. But for far too many consecutive mornings it's been more like 5:30 or today- 4:30. No. I'm sorry. Completely unacceptable. Unless you're a farmer or shooting a Scorsese film, there is no good reason to be awake at 4:30 in the morning. Let me rephrase that: There is no good reason to be WAKING UP at 4:30 in the morning. I can think of many a good reason to be [still] AWAKE at 4:30 in the morning (internal chuckle, smiles with eyes) and none of them involve a bald, Canadian cartoon preschooler. 

Full time mom. Full time job. With odd hours. My level of exhaustion has gotten to the point of living outside my body. Just kind of floating above the reality of no more than 5-6 hours of sleep. Ever. And mind you, that 5-6 hours is never NOT interrupted. It's like being high all the time. I'm a highly functioning addict. If my addiction is lack of sleep. Really? I'm addicted to lack of sleep? I can't be addicted to something that gives even a little pleasure, ie: booze or chocolate. Why me? I don't know. All I do know is that I need to get some serious sleep seriously soon or I'm gonna end up on the news. And not like E! News. Like the serious news. Seriously. I'm starting to think Kate Gosselin wasn't such a crazy bitch afterall. She was just TIRED. Yikes. Recently my mind has been going to the place of getting prego with a third child just so people will feel so sorry for me they'll INSIST I catch some Z's. I mean, seriously?! Yes. I've officially entered Crazytown and I'm first lady. Zombiemom.

The two reasons I get up every morning.
 Also the reasons why the time between going to sleep
 and getting up is so brief.

I'm just gonna keep on holding on to the fact that the day will come when Nora and Pats will both be in school all day and perhaps sometime in that 12 year span I'll be able to grab a quick nap in the afternoon. I mean, THIS is now my fantasy? Sexy. And, in the meantime, I'll continue to slather myself in coco butter daily and every once in a while chug a skinnygirl margarita alone in my kitchen at 3 in the afternoon and stare blankly at my granite countertop. In that 90 seconds I have to myself, the granite turns to sand in my mind and I'm at a beachside pool laughing histerically about nothing. And I'm all alone. Cause nobody wants to lay  next to the crazy lady who's pounding cocktails before noon and laughing histerically to herself about nothing. I dunno why. She sounds like a good time gal to me.

Ok, folks it's mid October and you know what that means: People are coming out of the woodwork and going absolutely bat shit crazy for anything and everything PUMPKIN! I mean, it's gotten a little out of control. I know it's become sort of a marker of the beginning of the season, but... You know they sell canned pumpkin all year right? And nowhere in our constitution does it say "No man shall eat pie of squash before the morn of the first of November." The one that gets me the most is the Pumpkin Spice Latte. To make your own Pumpkin Spice coffee syrup costs about 2 cents and takes about 2 seconds to make. And the best part: you can enjoy it anytime of year in the privacy of your own home without even getting out of your jammies. So here it is:

PUMPKIN SPICE COFFEE SYRUP

1 c sugar (I use organic raw sugar cause I'm super snobby, but white sugar works just as well)

I c water

3 cinnamon sticks

1/4 teaspoons ground ginger

1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1/8 teaspoon ground allspice

1/8 tsp of cloves

I use a little sifter like this over a funnel, over a squeeze bottle.

Bring water and sugar and spices to a boil, then kick it back to low and simmer for about 10 minutes. Let cool completely. Strain through a sifter or a coffee filter. I do this because for some reason when I've made cinnamon flavored syrups in the past, if you don't strain it it changes the consistency and it's very gloppy and gooey and doesn't dissolve properly. I strain it into a little plastic ketchup bottle or squeeze bottle from the dollar store. Or a squeeze bottle from a beauty supply store. Same diff.

Add to coffee to taste. Keep in mind Starbucks uses "2 pumps" in a standard flavored coffee. 

Next up, a savory twist on the pumpkin craze: Cheesy Pumpkin Noodles! So delish, so easy. And because of the color, your kids will think it's Mac and cheese while you're sneaking in the nutrients from the pumpkin! Devilish mama, you.

CHEESEY PUMPKIN NOODLES

1 pound orechhiette (this is the pasta that looks like little ears or in this case little pumpkin crowns. Use whatever shape you like, I just like the themeyness of it!)

1 small container (15oz)of ricotta cheese (I tend to use fat free, but full fat or reduced fat works just as well)

1 can (15 oz) of pumpkin (NOT pumpkin pie filling. There should be one ingredient in the label: PUMPKN.)

3 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

1/4 c half and half 

1/4 c grated parmesean cheese

1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg (don't worry! it won't taste like pie, promise!)

Salt

Pepper

Olive oil

Cheesy. Squashy. Yummy.

Boil pasta in salted water according to package. While that's cooking, grab a large bowl. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Mix together ricotta, pumpkin, 2 cups of the mozzarella (reserve 1 c for the top), parmesan, nutmeg, salt & pepper. Drain pasta and mix thoroughly with cheese mixture. Pour it all into a greased lasagna pan. Top with remaining mozzarella, chopped sage leaves (about 10) and drizzle with olive oil and a teeny sprinkle of nutmeg. Bake for 15-20 minutes until edges become golden brown. Serve with crusty garlic bread and seasonal beer of choice. Or your fave red wine. Or whatever. 

Ok, now brunch is a rare outing for us these days, but this past weekend our cousin was in town and we wanted to show her a good time so we took her to a cute place in Morningside Heights, NYC: Kitchenette. They had a drink special that I was all over. Apple Pie Mimosa. Um...YUM. 

Super easy. Super delicious. 

APPLE PIE MIMOSA

Your fave champagne, prosecco, or sparkling wine

Apple Cider

Cinnamon

Champagne flute. Fill 3/4 of the way up with the bubbly. Top it off with the cider and sprinkle with cinnamon. Drink and be merry!